


The Highwayman

by Carleen



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Gen, Happy Birthday Commander Shepard, Mass Effect 1, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Mystery, Romance, Scifi Romance, Tali - Freeform, male shepard - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2018-01-18 16:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1435579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carleen/pseuds/Carleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here's an idea I've had for awhile. Kind of a what-if story. Commander Shepard's birthday is coming up on April 11. I wrote something last year to observe it & thought I'd keep the tradition going. There are 5 parts to this story & it's taken from a song named "The Highwayman." Please let me know if you enjoy it or what you think. I'll post a part each day until his birthday.</p><p>If you're interested last year's story was titled: "April 11 2154 Happy Birthday, Commander Shepard"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Highwayman

* * *

"I was a highwayman.

Along the coach roads I did ride

With sword and pistol by my side

Many a young maid lost her baubles to my trade

Many a soldier shed his lifeblood on my blade

The bastards hung me in the spring of twenty-five But I am still alive."

Lyrics by Jimmy Web, _The Highwayman_

* * *

**1724, England**

The Normandy is an inn, like many inns dotting the main road through England, with smoky public rooms, whores, cutpurses, and mediocre food. Its claim to fame and the reason its rooms were always full is the infamous John Shepard. A highwayman of the highest order, he neither molested the young ladies nor humiliated the men. Although he might admit to allowing a finger or two to stray across a beautiful bosom when he lifted a bauble from a delicate creamy throat, he'd never actually killed anyone.

Darkly handsome with sunlit blue eyes and dark hair, which hung in curly disarray to his shoulders, he had no need of the usual wig so popular now. Never foppishly attired, the clinging breeches, knee-high boots, and black jacket hung well on his tall muscular frame. His only real claim to vanity was his cravat. Always perfectly tied and clean it showed off his chiseled features and square jaw to perfection.

After a profitable day's work, Shepard might treat his men to a bottle or two of expensive wine and the prettiest, therefore equally expensive, whores. That's why his men loved him, the ladies swooned over the merest mention of his name, and travelers boasted John Shepard had robbed them.

Almost every evening, when they weren't hiding out or chased by His Majesty's Musketeers, John Shepard and his crew settled into the Normandy for a few hours of cards or dice. This evening, John, wasn't interested with the usual games and went to sit by the fireplace to enjoy a cup of fresh mead. The serving wench who brought it to him was new. He never forgot a face and this one is exotically beautiful. So different, so refreshing he couldn't take his eyes off her.

"What's your name, lass?" John Shepard asked while he pulled the young barmaid to his lap and wrapped his strong arms around her trim waist. She was young and by the color flooding her cheeks still a stranger to a man's touch. He loved them like this, innocent, still pretty and free of the pox scars or rotten teeth which plagued so many beauties.

Her face showed no trace of disease and her hair was luxurious and black as night. Pulling off her mobcap, he ran his fingers into her hair. Surprisingly it was clean and smelled of lavender. Life would take all of that away from her and very quickly.

"You're a pretty thing. What's your name?"

"Tali, sir. I-It's Tali," she stuttered, but there was courage in her eyes, he'd give her that too.

"What's a lovely girl with such a strange name doing in such a dangerous place?"

"I kin take care of myself, sir. I only work here because my Ma and Pa died of the plague. They took the farm from me and everything else with it. Besides, you don't look so dangerous."

Shepard pulled her head down and whispered, "You should be afraid of me, love. I'm the notorious highwayman, John Shepard."

"What's that to me? Cain't never leave here anyway, so you won't be meeting me out on the road. You're a handsome one I'll grant you that." She slid off his lap and walked away, shaking her skirt out just enough to keep his eyes on her charms.

He watched her serve the other customers. She cleverly stayed just out of reach of their dirty pawing hands. Never bending over to immodestly display her bosom. Yet, always a smile or a saucy remark to keep them interested and ordering more drink. It occurred to him this girl was different, almost special in a way he hadn't seen before. He wanted to know more about that farm and her family.

Shepard turned his head toward his crew, watching them fondly for a moment. Garrus and Grunt were having their usual argument about who was cheating whom. While they argued, James slid coins from the pot into his pocket.

The single female in their group is a wickedly beautiful woman dressed in men's clothes. She's studying her face in a mirror and applying her already loud and colorful makeup. John found her obvious and vulgar, but she was good in a fight and when they needed a female, she cleaned up well. No man, or woman could resist her porcelain complexion or the mass of ebon hair and full breasts. Miranda played the virgin or harlot with equal skill, which made her a valuable member of his crew.

And there was Kaidan, he could sneak up on you, cut your throat and your pocket without missing a bible verse. While the others fought good naturedly, Kaidan reads aloud from his well-thumbed copy of The Christian Bible. The handsome, although pious to a fault, young man is reading from The Book of Revelation tonight. Something about four horseman, but John is bored with all of it and continues to watch the young maid go about her duties.

His boredom and her uniqueness kept him standing outside the inn long after his crew had climbed into their bed rolls. All but Kaidan were sleeping alone tonight. The young man had once again convinced the cleanest prettiest whore in the place that he was a virgin in need of a wise woman to teach him the ways of love. With his big brown eyes, innocent face and his bible, the ruse always worked and he always got laid for free.

Finally, she walked out of the inn. John watched her from the shadows.

"Good evening, Mistress Tali."

"Good evening, Jo…"

There's a good girl, he thought. She didn't say my name out loud here in the yard, where anyone might be about and listening.

Shepard drew arm through and when she didn't resist. He ventured, "May I walk you home?"

They were easy with each other and spoke freely. By the time they reached the small stone structure, she claimed was her home, he knew all about her.

"So the local priest claims you can't have your farm back unless you're a married woman. Then, of course, the title would go to your husband."

"That is the way of it."

John shook his head in disbelief. he was of the opinion the church held far too much power over the local citizenry in these small villages. Then the sheriff steps in a collects his cut. They were probably squabbling over who would get her family's farm right now.

Before he said goodnight and watched her close the crooked wooden door he kissed her hand.

On the second night, he pressed his lips against hers. They stayed locked in that embrace all night, whispering words of affection and trust. He left her only when Garrus came to find him.

On the third night he proposed to her and she accepted.

By the end of a fortnight, they reclaimed her family's land. Before they left the parish office, John had made them agree that if anything happened to him, their children would inherit the land. With a satisfied heart and a smile on his face, John Shepard took his wife home. First task, get the potatoes into the ground, second task, fill her with babies.

John Shepard found happiness and fulfillment working the little farm. Garrus took over the gang and Shepard occasionally heard stories about their exploits. Although he didn't agree with the way Garrus ran the gang, he was happy to be out of it and wished them well.

Feeling wealthy, prosperous and happy riding into the village in their new wagon, Tali and Shepard rode close together, laughing and flirting about the secret things only lovers know. She's six months gone with child and they are discussing what to name him, because of course it will be a boy.

Shepard was good at carving and making small things out of wood. A box of wooden toys sat in the back of the wagon. With the toys and other items John created, they could barter for other things they needed.

The wagon hit a rut and Tali reached behind her to support her lower back. The midwife assured her it was perfectly natural. But as she reached around, a flash of sunlight on metal caught her eye. A horse hidden in the trees stamped and snorted.

"John, men in the trees!"

"I see them, lass. The King's men by the look of 'em."

With a heavy heart, John pulled the wagon to a halt and took Tali's hand and slid the other around her waist.

"Why did you stop. Run!"

"No, Tali. Listen to me. I'll do nothing that will bring harm to you or our child. No matter what happens, I love you. These past months have been the best in my life. Now, quickly tell me what you'll do now.

The men were pulling him from the wagon.

They laughed as they locked him in shackles, "Guess whot they say is true, eh Shepard? No honor among thieves? That lad Garrus of yours rolled over on you proper he did. Made it real easy for us to find you."

John didn't resist, but one of the hit him with the butt of his musket. Blood is dripping from his nose and the wound on the side of his head. He's barely conscious.

"Tali! Quickly!"

"John! I promise. I promise to take care of our child and my love for you will live on in my heart and the memories of our child."

~O~

His wife was in the front row of the excited crowd the day they hung John Shepard. Vendors strolled through the crowd hawking meat pies and ale.

Hours went by, until finally a side door opened and out came four guards and John Shepard. His once glossy locks shorn from his head, his clothes filthy and torn. The left side of his face bruised and swollen.

When he reached the top of the scaffold his eyes searched for her. When she knew that he saw her, Tali opened her shawl and pulled a sleeping child from her breast. Then lifting the little boy up so his father could see him. She called out, "He's a fine healthy boy, John."

Tali and John held eye contact until the lever released and John Shepard, the famous highwayman and beloved husband was no more.

A scream tore itself from Tali's throat and she fell to her knees.

* * *

 

The Highwayman

I was a highwayman. Along the coach roads I did ride  
With sword and pistol by my side  
Many a young maid lost her baubles to my trade  
Many a soldier shed his lifeblood on my blade  
The bastards hung me in the spring of twenty-five  
But I am still alive.

I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide  
And with the sea I did abide.  
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico  
I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow  
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed  
But I am living still.

I was a dam builder across the river deep and wide  
Where steel and water did collide  
A place called Boulder on the wild Colorado  
I slipped and fell into the wet concrete below  
They buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound  
But I am still around..I'll always be around..and around and around and around and around

I fly a starship across the Universe divide  
And when I reach the other side  
I'll find a place to rest my spirit if I can  
Perhaps I may become a highwayman again  
Or I may simply be a single drop of rain  
But I will remain  
And I'll be back again, and again and again and again and again..


	2. The Sailor

* * *

"I was a sailor.

I was born upon the tide And with the sea I did abide.

I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico

I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow

And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed

But I am living still."

* * *

 

Captain Jonathan Shepard, skipper and owner of the clipper ship the Normandy, stood on the upper deck, observing his first mate escort their “cargo” aboard. Built by Donald Gardner and Company, his ship was one of the fastest on the sea. She could outrun Spanish and British ships alike. If cornered, she was small and sleek enough to hide. The Normandy could make the Kessel, Nova Scotia run in less than the 12 hours the other ships boasted. Shepard had a secret route, which he shared with no one but his first mate.

Which, of course, why he was hired to escort the women to California. He snorted and slapped a hand on the smooth oak railing at the thought of traveling with women on his ship. Bad luck to have women aboard. Every sailor from swabbie to admiral knew that. He also wasn’t in the nanny business, nor was his ship a bloody nursery.

Born, thirty-three years ago, on a tall ship, enroute from London to New York. The unknown stowaway who gave birth to him, had the good manners to die shortly after he opened his eyes and gave his first cry. Her last words were ‘Jonathan Shepard’ and thus he’d been named. Sailing was all he knew and all he cared to know. He was an educated man, but the silly fripperies of women and elegant society held little interest for him. There is work to be done, cargo to transport, profit to make, and the sea to best.

Although, he considered it a waste of a trip to carry nothing more than three gilded, ornamented women. He was being very well paid to get these females safely to California. He didn’t have to like it, but the price was right.

Shepard called down to his first mate, “Garrus! Get the ladies below, the sky tells me it’s time to weigh anchor.”

His first mate waved to him in response and shouted a command to the sailors straining under the load of all the luggage. In short order, the ladies and their trunks had disappeared below deck. With a nod of satisfaction, Shepard began calling out launch orders to his crew.

With his feet firmly planted on the deck, Shepard waited for that feeling when the ship curtsied away from the dock after the lines were hauled in. She made her curtsy and he made her a small formal bow. A tradition he never failed to observe. It was time to dance with the real lady-love of his life.

While a small crew of boatswains rowed them out to catch the wind and Shepard turned his face into the wind, Garrus approached.

“Captain? A note from the ladies.” Garrus help up the neatly folded paper and rolled his eyes a bit, while Shepard caught the lilac scent of the paper.

“I have little time for this. They’re already making demands?”

“Of a sort, Captain. They wish to inform you they are receiving visitors and would like very much to make your acquaintance.”

Shepard glared at the first mate, who was also his friend. If it weren’t for the heavy scarring on the man’s cheek and jaw, and Shepard knew the look, Garrus was smiling. They’d known each other since the day Garrus caught a cat ‘o nine tails across his right cheek. Shepard had gotten him away from the attacker and taken him up to his lodgings. Shepard nursed Garrus back to health and they’d been friends ever since.

They shared a love of the sea and the adventure that went along with it. While Garrus also enjoyed the company of ladies - he claimed the scars drove them crazy - Shepard refused to be drawn in. Not that he didn’t enjoy the occasional tryst with a lady of easy virtue. But his standards were high. Clean and pretty whores were not always easy to find. And, although Garrus fell in love at every port, Shepard had never been struck by Cupid’s arrow. There were a long line of broken-hearted ladies who’d tried, and they stretched from London to New York and Hispaniola to California.

Three women aboard his boat. A mother, a daughter and a ladies maid. Five times the amount of trunks and boxes followed them up the gangplank. Captain Shepard couldn’t tell one from the other, as they were all covered from the sun.

Then Shepard watched one of the ladies gracefully negotiate the gangway as she nimbly stepped over the railing onto the deck. Slimy with salt and algae the gang way was both slippery and steep. She’d just made it look easy.

Docked in New York City, the Normandy is headed for California, but long before they reached that golden shore they have to round the horn of Mexico.

Shepard turned his eyes from the deck to the rigging. An electrical storm straight from Poseidon's Trident tried them all two weeks ago. When the mainsail was struck by lightning, they all thought the end had come. They’d lost a crewman during that storm. While the rigging could easily be repaired in Hispaniola, the crewman’s spine could not. They’d kept him drunk and comfortable until the end.

Then the crewman had gripped his hand, “Thanks Captain. You’re a good’un, sir. The best...” and then he was gone.

“Jonathan, shall I make excuses for you?”

Shepard glanced at his friend. He needed the man’s skills on deck not below entertaining the ladies. A Captain’s work is never done, he reminded himself and took the note from Garrus’ hand.

“I’ll go. You’ve got the wheel.” Shepard clapped the first mate on the shoulder and headed below deck. “Try not to run her aground.”

Before he visited the ladies he made a quick trip to the Captain’s quarters to freshen up. He was a gentlemen after all.

A sharp rap with his knuckles opened the door to their quarters. Shepard doffed his tricorne hat and made a low bow. “Madam,” he addressed himself to the older of the two ladies.

“Thank you for coming to visit us, Captain. I just wanted to say how much we appreciate you taking us to California.”

“I’m being well-paid to do it, Ma’am. You’ll be safe under my protection. Is this your daughter?”

“Heavens no, this is our maid. My daughter is sleeping. If I had the makings for tea, I’d offer you some, Captain.”

“I’ll send one of the Cook’s boys around with some hot tea. No fires allowed in the quarters though.”

“I understand perfectly. Thank you.” She extended her pale hand to him. “We won’t be a bother, Captain. You’ll hardly know we’re aboard.”

Shepard bowed again and made his way to his quarters. That hadn’t gone too badly.

It was nearing midnight, ship’s time when Shepard completed his paperwork. Tossing the pen nib down on a pile of parchment, he poured himself two fingers of whiskey and strolled on deck. The night was moonless and calm. The sky a vault of diamonds overhead. It wasn’t until he neared the transom that he saw the cloaked figure.

She whirled as he approached. The movement opened her hood and he caught a brief glimpse of a pale heart shaped face and large crystal blue eyes before she pulled the hood closed again. Shepard noted the long tapered fingers, which held the black merino wool cloak closed over her throat.

“May I escort you back to your quarters, ma’am. You shouldn’t be up here.”

“I’m perfectly safe. There’s no wind and the seas are calm. I’m certainly intelligent enough to hang on to the rigging.”

“I’m not questioning your intelligence, simply concerned for your safety.”

She began to speak. It took him a few seconds to realize she quoting something. He didn’t recognize it and that bothered him.

“‘We clear the harbor and the wind catches her sails and my beautiful ship leans over ever so gracefully, and her elegant bow cuts cleanly into the increasing chop of the waves. I take a deep breath, my chest expands, and my heart starts thumping so strongly I fear the others might see it beat through the cloth of my jacket. I face the wind and my lips peel back from my teeth in a grin of pure joy.’”

She was obviously quoting from somewhere, but it wasn’t Shakespeare or anyone else he recognized.

“Ma’am?”

She laughed and turned to him. Her beauty hit Captain Shepard with the force of an expected blow. Eyes, which glittered like the stars. He could not judge properly if they were green or blue. Hair as dark as the night sky.

“Forgive my impertinence, Captain Shepard. But I watched the launch and when I saw you bow toward your lady, I was reminded of that quote.”

“No one knows about...I don’t believe I shall forgive your impertinence.”

“Then shall you have me keel hauled, sir?”

“Or clapped in irons.”

His fingers were on her wrist before he consciously made the decision to do so. If he had time to think about it first he would remind himself that he never behaved this way toward women. To mar this fragile beauty with either punishment was unthinkable.

“Please don’t stare at me, Captain.” She asked, politely removing her hand from his grasp. “I’ve grown rather tired of young men’s stares and fumbling attempts at courting me.”

“Courting you wasn’t what I was thinking of.”

“Well,” her eyes widened, and not with fear. “At least you’re honest. How refreshing. Shall we have a go at it then? Right here, on the deck?”

“Perhaps not tonight, Ma’am. Because I’m aware that under the cover of your cloak, you have a deringer pointed at me. I should warn you, the murder of a ship’s captain is a hanging offense. And if I’m dead, there will be no one to protect you.”

“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“From the usual fop and dandy you meet at court or your social circles, but not on my ship. There’s Old Bob Krogan whom I think would very much enjoy watching the skin come off your back. There’s Jimmy the Mexican who doesn’t much care for the condition of the women he beds.

“Are you trying to shock me?”

“There’s also my Ship’s Surgeon, he goes by the name Miranda. What he might do to you doesn’t bear repeating in polite society.”

She laughed again. A real laugh and he found himself captivated by the sound. “Nothing you’ve said is repeatable in polite society. Good night, Captain.”

“Wait? What is your name?”

With a saucy smile and a swirl of her cloak, as she walked away, she said softly over her shoulder, “I don’t believe I wish to tell you. I’ve heard stories about you, Captain. Warnings, in fact. A helpless female like myself has to watch out for her reputation.”

Shepard tossed back the forgotten whiskey and promised himself to discover her name.

Their first full day at sea was busy getting the ship squared away for open sea. It wasn’t until evening when he turned toward his cabin for a quick meal and a drink that he realized he hadn’t seen any of the women. Well, the mother had promised he wouldn’t know they were there.

As he approached his cabin door voices drifted out from his cabin. Garrus’ voice first, then feminine laughter. What the hell? The first thing he saw when he opened the door was a pair of blue eyes and a curling mass of black hair piled high above a swelling décolletage. The silk dress she wore was exactly one shade lighter than the sapphires at her throat and ears. All this, he took in as he made the four steps to her side.

“Captain Shepard, we waited supper for you!”

“Why thank you, Garrus.”

Captain Shepard found himself in exactly the kind of situation he normally avoided. Polite small talk, delicate crystal and china and sophisticated women who expected to be entertained.

Garrus would pay for this. And he still hadn’t discovered her name.

Several hours later, Shepard walked slowly along the deck with is hands locked behind his back. With his head down and deep in thought he didn’t notice the cloaked figure until he was directly upon her.

“Good evening, Captain Shepard.”

With the sound of her voice, every thought he’d held back during supper exploded into his awareness. Her creamy skin mocked him, the softly curling hair teased him and his fingers curled as if filled with the full breasts so provocatively displayed before him.

“Go inside, Ma’am. You don’t belong out here.”

“Nonsense, you’re here now.”

“And who will protect you from the Captain?”

She pulled her cloak closed, “I apologize for my impropriety. The night is warm and I…”

“Damn your apologies! You know full well what you do to a man.”

She shrugged her shoulders against his hands. “I prefer learning, meeting new people and visiting new places. My looks mean nothing to me. Except perhaps what they mean to you.”

She turned her glittering blue eyes directly on him. When the tip of her tongue reached out to nervously lick dry lips, Shepard captured her mouth with his. Wasting no time, he opened her cloak and pulled her flush against his body.

The scent of lilacs in his nose, the feel of silk and soft flesh under his hands assaulted his senses. He turned his face into the tickle of luxurious black hair against his cheek.

“There’s a hundred things I want to say to you, not a single word seems adequate.”

“Thank you, Captain,” she said, kissing his cheek.

“For crushing your dress and pulling down your hair?”

They laughed together. How easy it was and how right it felt.

“I’m to be wed to a very wealthy old man in California.”

“No!”

“I was promised at birth. I cannot go against my families wishes. Listen to me, Jonathan. Thank you for the kiss. I don’t expect to ever be kissed like that again.”

“I must go or my mother will come looking for me. Please let me go now.”

But Shepard found he couldn’t do that and so he held her face in his hands and kissed her again. He realized this kiss would have to last them both and he although he knew nothing of love, he followed his instincts and when they pulled apart there were their eyes shone with tears.

“Go! And be as untouched as you were when we first met.”

He turned back to the sea and was still standing there when the sun rose over the eastern edge of the horizon. It wasn’t until the wind whipped his color against his face that he woke from his thoughts.

Garrus called him, further rousing him from his thoughts, “Captain! Storm blowing in from the north. I’ve got the men securing below deck.”

“Aye, I see it now. See to the ladies. They we’ll try to outrun ‘er.”

“Yes, sir!” They had to shout to hear each other now as the wind increased in intensity. “The ladies are in their bunks with orders to stay put! Shall I unfurl the main sail?”

“I’ll do it, Garrus. You stay below and keep her headed south. You owe me a drink, by the way. Two drinks!”

“You seemed to be enjoying yourself last night, sir.”

Shepard waved him off as he swung himself up the rigging to unfurl the main sail. They’d need best speed to outrun this devil of a storm. Shepard spared a look down and was satisfied with what he saw. His ship was secured at his men at their posts.

Lightning cracked across the sky, blinding him for a moment. Then thunder seemed to shake the very timbers of his ship. Shepard pushed his hair out of his face and reached for the next rope. Lightning flashed again. His eyes followed the direction of his hand and as he grasped the rope a stray bolt struck the main mast. The force shook him loose from his hand hold. The following clap of thunder vibrated his hands. He watched his fingers let go and the sky tilted into his vision as he began to fall.

He bounced off the one of the queen sails and turned so he watched the deck come up fast and crash into him. Was that blue silk he saw moving across the deck?

The rain pelted the crew while they hoisted the mainsail from their Captain's body. No one needed a doctor to tell explain the consequences of a fall from the top of the main mast. Several of the crew dragged their caps from their heads.

Garrus dropped to his knees next to his friend.

Captain Shepard’s world narrowed to the feeling of water falling on his face and a growing chill. Funny that he couldn’t feel it in his legs though. Then the water stopped and he felt gentle hands lift his head. The smell of lavender drifted into his awareness.

“Jonathan?”

His eyes opened to the face of his blue-eyed beauty who had just begun to haunt his dreams. She was crying. Who had made her cry?

It took all of his strength to take one of her hands.

“Tell me your name.”

“Tali, Jonathan. My name is Tali.”

“I’m sorry to be leaving you, Tali. I’m sorry…”

Captain Jonathan Shepard closed his eyes and did not move again. The only sounds were the rain and wind and plowing motion of the Normandy as she crested one wave after another staying true to the course her captain set for her.


	3. The Dam Builider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: This chapter gets a bit sexy. In fact, we'd better call it M rated

Year: 1931, Southern Nevada

* * *

 "I was a dam builder across the river deep and wide

Where steel and water did collide

A place called Boulder on the wild Colorado

I slipped and fell into the wet concrete below

They buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound

But I am still around… I'll always be around… and around and around and around and around"

* * *

 "Dammit, Garrus! I said no and I meant no. Now lay off."

The two men stood toe to toe on the narrow rope bridge. Neither paid attention to the fact they were several hundred feet in the air. Below them lay the foundation of Boulder Dam. They'd been arguing all day and with the work finally over it was time to take a break. However, Garrus would not let this go.

"We could help these workers, John. We could make a difference."

"How can we make a difference? We are no different from the rest of these hobos who walked, crawled, hitchhiked, or rode a boxcar to get here. Remember those two weeks? We froze, we baked, we inhaled dust I'm still coughing up, and we ate about every third day. We're lucky to have this job at all."

John Shepard hurried past the other man. He was done talking about this. Nevertheless, he turned back one more time, "In another couple of years the dam will be finished and we can go home."

The tall angular man, named Garrus, shrugged his shoulders with palms up. Worn and blistered, his bleeding hands are covered in concrete dust. Yeah, they were no different from the hundreds of other men on the road looking for work in a land broken and battered by the stock market crash of '29.

They'd traveled here to Southern Nevada looking for work. And they'd found it here in the middle of the Mojave Desert. The working conditions were exhausting and dangerous and the hours long. In summer time, they worked at night with only a few lanterns to light the work area.

Garrus knew they could make some changes to protect the workers from the union bosses and the Six Companies. Their Union that everyone claimed were being infiltrated by the mob bosses from back East. They hadn't seen any real proof, yet the rumors persisted.

John Shepard placed a hand on Garrus' shoulder. "Come on old friend. Let's knock some of this dust off and get some grub. Hey, I hear they're building houses north of Boulder City just for the men with families. Maybe you could get on a list and bring Nyreen and the kids out here."

The dining tent was full of hungry workers. Some talking, most simply enjoying a hot meal that for some was still a novelty. Ten to twelve hours in the hot sun or dead of night yielded pay, food, and a place to sleep. There wasn't a man or woman here who didn't know what it felt like to lose his possessions, go hungry or watch his family starve. John saw no reason to rock this particular boat.

"Hey Shepard!" A deep voice called out from across the room. It was Jack Krogan, a violent, mean man who'd rather kill you than take the time to fight you. He fancied himself a local gang leader and self-styled representative of the men. Shepard found it was better to humor him. So he and Garrus threaded their way through the tables. Steve and Jimmy, his bodyguards, shoved over, grumbling and made room.

Shepard and Garrus set their trays down and dug into the savory beef stew and fresh bread.

"Me and the boys were talking. There's been some trouble up at the camp office."

"There's always trouble." Shepard observed over a mouthful of bread.

Garrus shot him a look, "Just listen, John."

"Some of the new Union men are taking it upon themselves to use the ladies… ah, for entertainment purposes."

John shook his head in disgust. The few women who were here worked as waitresses, cooks and maids. They were a good bunch of girls. All but one or two showing off pictures of their kids and husbands back home. One dark haired girl kept to herself and had a bit of a mysterious air about her. No one seemed to know where she came from. Maybe he should warn her or one of the other women. Even it was just gossip, better for them to know, and then be taken by surprise.

After the meal, Shepard left Garrus at a poker table and headed over to the women's area. The mysterious young woman with black hair sat on a campstool by the fire pit. He approached her slowly, to avoid startling her.

"Good evening, Miss."

She didn't answer. Simply turned her face up to his, with an expectant look on her face.

"May I join you? I have some news you might want to hear."

"You're John Shepard, right?" She commented waving toward the other campstool.

With a smile, Shepard pulled up the small chair and sat down. "How did you know my name?"

"Everyone knows you. You help people," she said, as if he should already know that information.

He stayed silent and studied her for a moment. Her lilting accent and unusual looks marked her as out of place here in the rough and tumble world of Southern Nevada.

"You're a long way from home aren't you?" He ventured, intrigued.

"No more than you. And if you're here to warn us about those Union boys, don't worry. We've got a plan to keep ourselves safe."

"Then my visit was unnecessary, except I did get to meet you." Shepard put out his hand and she took it. "You know my name. May I know yours?"

"It's Tali. My name is Tali de la Normandie."

"Ah, now I place your accent." He bowed low over her hand. "Bonsoir, Mademoiselle Tali."

"Enchante."

"So am I, Miss. So am I," he said with a smile and she smiled back.

The next dawn brought another ten-hour day and 100-degree weather. By the time the horn blew at six o'clock, the sweat soaked men formed a single file line to the mess tent. Their bent shoulders and quiet murmurings were an odd contrast to their usual boisterous good humor. Still, they gossiped and shared what news they had. It was just quieter tonight.

"Did you see what happened to Dan? The damn rig cut his hands clean off."

"Saw it. Shame."

"This place getting more dangerous every day."

"Like Garrus said, we need a leader like John Shepard. He'll go tell those Union boys what's what."

"Shut it, Lenny. They hear you jawing like that they'll send their henchmen over to deal with us."

"This ain't New York. What would those mob bosses do out here getting their pretty silk suits all dirty?"

"Mark my words."

And on it went until they finished their meals and headed off to bed or a quick game of cards.

~oOo~

Tali de la Normandie tapped the ash off her cigarette, removed the butt from the gold cigarette holder, and crossed her silk clad legs.

The man standing across from her handed her a drink while enjoying the display of her trim ankles and calves.

"Well, what do you think? Can you do it?"

Tossing her long black hair over her shoulder, she glared at the mob boss staring down at her. More precisely, he was staring down the front of her low cut dress.

"Mister Legion, I wouldn't be here in this shit-hole if I couldn't do my job. Just leave him to me." She rose gracefully and headed toward door, paused and turned. "Just make sure you have my money ready."

"Yes, ma'am," he said with a lecherous grin. He'd have the money ready and then they'd spend a little one on one time together.

Tali left the penthouse suite and went back to the privacy of her own room. Here, she turned herself back into Tali, the poor girl with no home and few prospects. An hour later, she walked into the Union boss's shack and stood at his desk until she had his attention.

"I need you to do something for me," she asked.

Another grin. Goddamn it, but men were pigs. She thought of a word her old Grand'Mere would use to describe a man like this, 'boshtet.' Perfect.

"Anything for you, Miss Tali."

"I need you to hit me. Just be aware that if you split my lip or loosen my teeth, I'll kill you where you stand."

~oOo~

Shepard heard the whimpering as soon as stepped out of the mess tent and onto the trail leading to sleeping area. Following the sound into some scrub pines, he found a woman lying face down.

"Miss? Are you alright?" As soon as he began to turn her over, she used his hands to pull herself up and into his arms.

"Is that you, Shepard? I-Is that you?" With her head on his shoulder her voice fractured into sobs.

Shepard let her cry, just holding her lightly in his arms. Then to his surprise, she tried to press her body against his. In response, he simply stood up and pulling her with him. Now he could see her swollen face, the blood on her mouth and her torn clothes. His anger flared.

"Who did this to you?" Shepard hiss through clenched teeth.

"I'm not injured… they didn't really hurt me… It was couple of boys from… the other camp… I think his name…"

"Tell me his name!" He was so angry he nearly shook her.

"I think it was Kogan or Krogan and there were two other men with him. They… they… took turns."

"Sonofabitch. I'm taking you to the med tent. Can you walk?"

"Yes, I think so."

Once the doctor cleaned her face up and gave her some clean coveralls to wear she headed toward the exit with Shepard behind her. If he was suspicious of her sudden recovery he didn't voice it. He'd done what he could for her and now he would walk her home. Tomorrow would be soon enough to begin to understand what really happened.

Suddenly, Tali pulled him back against the wall of a supply shack and wrapped a leg around his waist. "Come on baby, make me forget all about those boys."

A frown creased his brow at this turn of events. His first thought was to push her away. Although it had been a long time, this is not the kind of complications he wanted or needed right now. And how could she want sex, if she just been brutalized? Her soft hands were opening his pants and sweet Jesus it had been a long time since…

"Tali!" He gasped quietly when she guided him inside her. Then he picked her up with his hands under her butt and lost himself in heated warmth of her body and the taste of her skin.

~oOo~

The smell of wet concrete drifted up to the men building a wooden platform into the side of the cliff. Even seven hundred feet above the foundation level, the smell drifted on the hot air as it rose from the cooler level of the water. John Shepard and Garrus Vakarian took a short break to take a sip of water. Even at midnight, the dry desert air was hot. Garrus dragged a dirty sleeve across his face and nodded to Shepard.

"You and that choice bit of calico an item now?"

Shepard handed the water skin back to his friend and shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not sure what that was. Except, that it was unexpected," he grinned at Garrus.

"Lucky you. So is the meeting still on?"

"Yeah. Midnight. Come on let's get back to work."

Shepard and Garrus found a receptive audience that night. They discussed the safety of the women and working conditions. John was voted unanimously as their representative. Although he was reluctant to take the role of leadership, with Tali's encouragement and the men's enthusiasm he took it on. He'd begun to agree with Garrus' assumption that they had some part to play in making things better for the workers.

After that night, Shepard and Tali spent almost every evening together. He used her as a sounding board for his plans and she was supportive of his ideas. Sometimes Garrus and Krogan joined them for a meeting, but almost always it was just the two of them walking wherever their steps took them. She was beautiful, smart and affectionate. He told himself to enjoy their time and avoided looking any deeper into her reasons for wanting to be with him.

After a month of discussion and fact gathering Shepard, Garrus and Krogan felt ready to take their arguments to the union bosses.

The next meeting was scheduled for the next night. During the work day, the men chatted excitedly among themselves. The more they talked about the new ideas, the higher their confidence grew. Perched high on a scaffold held to the wall with only ropes, Shepard and Garrus worked easily through the day and talked about what changes the meeting would bring. At mid afternoon, they paused for a quick water break.

"Hey Shepard, here comes Tali. What's she doing out here?"

"I don't know," but he threw up his hand in greeting. "Be careful out here Tali."

"She's not the one who should be careful."

Both men whirled at the sounds of voices behind them. Shepard looked back at Tali, she was no longer smiling.

"Garrus, run!" Shepard warned quietly, pushing his friend toward the narrow rope bridge.

"You two been making trouble. Boss says it's time to put a stop to it. So, we'll make an example of you two for the rest of the workers."

"Let my friend go!" Shepard pleaded.

A hatchet came down on one of the guide ropes causing the scaffold to list heavily and slamming it against the concrete wall.

Shepard and Garrus hung on with both hands, but the rope ripped through their worn and blistered hands.

"It's been a good ride, Shepard."

Shepard nodded to his friend. "The best, old friend."

They heard two sounds, the men shouting and the sound of a hatchet blow.

Garrus' hands slipped off the rope and in the second before gravity caught him, he gazed into Shepard's face, "I'll meet you at the bar."

Shepard nodded silently, closed his eyes, cursed Tali's betrayal and let go of the rope.

With no way to retrieve their bodies, they left Shepard and Garrus to sink into the wet concrete, entombed for all time.


	4. I Fly a Star Ship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: I realize Nilhlus appears when the Normandy is about to launch on her shakedown cruise. I just wanted to add a little more background to the story. My goodness this was a difficult part to write. I'm not really sure if I'm even close. But it feels right, so that's something I guess. It'd be awesome if you left some feedback. Cheers.

* * *

"I fly a star ship across the Universe divide

And when I reach the other side

I'll find a place to rest my spirit if I can

Perhaps I may become a highwayman again

Or I may simply be a single drop of rain

But I will remain

And I'll be back again, and again and again and again"

* * *

 

**Earth: 2183, Vancouver**

It began on a spring day, with the sun rising over the mountains in a cloudless sky. The first rays of the morning sun shone over the Alliance docking facility and glimmered across the hull of the Alliance's newest frigate, the SSV SR-1 Normandy.

At precisely oh five hundred hours, commander selectee John Shepard entered the docking area by returning the guard's salute and proceeding down the stairs. Although he can feel the guard's eyes on his back, no amount of military decorum can stop his feet from moving impatiently toward the ship.

Tall and handsome his confident strides move him quickly to her. Once inside, with the hatch closed behind him, he stops to pull in a deep breath of ship's air. She is new, sexy, and powerful and he is her first officer.

He'd worked his ass off for this assignment. Yet, it still takes him by surprise, to be standing here on her deck. With the hum of her systems soaking into his skin and imprinting themselves on his heart. For a long moment, he closed his eyes, placed his hand on a bulkhead, and allows it become a part of him. There is no doubt in his mind she will prove a stern mistress.

"You okay, son?"

The gravelly male voice behind him shook him out of his reverie and he turned quickly in response to Captain David Anderson's question.

"Fine, sir. Just enjoying the moment."

Anderson chuckled and stuck his hand out, "Did the very same thing when they gave her to me. Welcome aboard, Commander."

The two men shook hands, shared a smile, and acknowledged a moment of recognition.

"Come on, I'll show you around," the Captain offered, as if they both hadn't studied the schematics and walked her decks a hundred times during construction. Turning toward the younger man, he gave him a conspiratorial wink, "And, later I'll buy you a drink. I know where the good stuff is stored. 'Course, it won't be too long before some enterprising sailor sets up a still."

Shepard glanced at him sideways, "And your standing orders on that, sir?"

"Anything you think I need to know that endangers the ship or crew, you need to tell me about. Otherwise, I trust your judgment," and waggled his eyebrows. "Anything to report?"

"Crew will begin checking in at 1200 hours, dock departure scheduled for 1800. All boards green, sir."

Anderson nodded, and then waved his hand, indicating Shepard to lead the way, "Let's take a walk."

"Engineering first, sir?"

"You read my mind, Commander."

It was past midnight when Commander Shepard headed toward his own quarters, wedged between the main battery and the mess hall, it was anything but quiet. Shepard landed on the bed fully clothed and to his surprise didn't fall immediately asleep. Instead he lay staring up at the ceiling.

Between his going away party, closing out the paperwork on his last billet, meeting Captain Anderson and getting the ship and crew squared away he'd been awake for almost 48 hours. Somewhere during that time, he'd had too much to drink. By the end of the farewell party that only occurred when it was time to get back to duty, he realized he'd come full circle and was himself sober again.

As he toed off his boots and punched up a pillow, he wondered if he might dream about her again tonight. Although, he doubted he had the energy to conjure up something as simple as a dream. Nevertheless, those blue eyes were staring intently into as he drifted off.

The dream always began the same way. Intense eyes and fingers twisting together. She – he thought it was a female – never spoke. But, he could never shake the feeling that she was looking for him, or that she needed him for something. He never saw a face, or heard a name. Just those silvery blue eyes and anxious hands.

Several hours later, Shepard woke in a tangle of sheets. After extricating himself from the bed, he showered, shaved, and pulled on a clean uniform. A frisson of excitement slipped down his spine when the doors to his quarters opened to his first day as the Normandy's first officer. This was what he'd been working for. Focusing his thoughts on the day, he headed toward the Galley for some coffee. Still, the shining blue eyes and the twisted hands stayed with him.

As time went by, Commander Shepard thrived under Anderson's mentorship. The Normandy was his life and he knew every inch of her and every sound. He treated her like a wife… better than a wife. Therefore, there was no question crew members could throw at him that he couldn't answer. Almost no problem he couldn't solve. He knew the best person to pick for a team no matter the mission requirements. The crew followed his orders and worked well together. After duty hours, he noted the crew often came together for a game of cards or to watch a sporting event. Although, they often invited him to join, he never did.

While the goals he'd set for himself were high, he'd achieved every one of them. Between paperwork, crew training, missions and staying fit he had no time for relationships or even something as simple as a good night's sleep. Although he'd served on several ships, been in command, and experienced many missions, for the first time he felt as if he were home… this is where he belonged. He loved every minute of time spent on the Normandy.

Then one day a different kind of test came his way. It came on a normal day when he found himself unexpectedly thrust into the midst of political intrigue happening at the highest level of government. Without warning he didn't know whom to trust and what had once been truth was now questionable. What had once been military protocol and straightforward regulations were wiped away in a flood of mystery and controversy.

It began with him receiving a summons to the bridge with orders to be kitted out for a mission. That was easy, he donned his armor, shouldered his weapons and headed forward. What he found there was a surprise, because normally a first officer manages the ship's manifest. There should be no one aboard he doesn't know about. Yet, standing in the center of the bridge as if he intended to assume command stood the turian Specter Nihlus Kryik. Shepard looked to Anderson for an explanation; instead Nihlus began giving directions and orders.

At a look from his commanding officer, Shepard glanced back at Nihlus, crossed his arms over his chest and waited. Although he never took his eyes from the turian's unreadable face. His mind worked over the problem. What had Anderson not told him? What was his role in this? Should he have seen this coming? Shepard wasn't ignorant of a Specter's wide ranging abilities and discretionary freedom, but he'd be damned if he just hand the ship over to the turian.

It was a testament to their working relationship that a quiet word from Anderson pulled his first officer back from a confrontation with the Specter.

That was Shepard, Anderson thought with a smile he kept to himself. Afraid of nothing and no one, not even the highest decorated Specter in The Alliance. A turian who'd been a soldier before Shepard was born and here was his XO ready to square off with him.

"Commander, hear him out. We've received new orders," Anderson said quietly.

"Aye, sir," Shepard drawled and turned back to the Specter, eyebrows raised.

The results of the entire mission brought several surprises into his life. They made him a Spector and gave him command of the Normandy. It was the biggest responsibility he'd ever shouldered. To his credit and training he squared his shoulders, reset his goals and attempted to take the situation in stride. The Council had better be careful about what they wished for, he wasn't afraid of responsibility or saying exactly what was on his mind.

Tasked with tracking down a criminal, he found the new role of detective interesting and intriguing. It brought him into contact with another turian named Garrus Vakarian. It was his detective work on the Citadel and on a mission to Eden Prime, searching for a man named Saren which brought new people into his life and his crew.

There was Ashley Williams, an incredibly brave soldier they found on Eden Prime, fighting all alone as if she could take on the world. Garrus Vakarian, a turian C-Sec Officer who stepped to his side and fought shoulder to shoulder with him as if he belonged there.

There was also the Normandy's crew. Until now he'd thought of them rather impersonally as parts of a machine that created a functioning ship. Kaidan Alenko, who looked at him from under his lashes with a smile that spoke of something more than friendship. Joker, the ship's pilot, who had begun to tease him and show a sense of humor Shepard had never seen before.

~o0o~

One day on the Citadel, with Garrus and Kaidan by his side they followed a trail of information about a wanted criminal named Saren. They'd finally found a lead on his whereabouts. They entered a corridor to the sound of weapon's fire and found a lone quarian, caught in crossfire and fighting for her life.

Without a second thought the trio assisted the quarian by killing the men. He watched her shoulders relax, as she located the source of her saviour and approached him. It bothered him that he couldn't see her face, but he could see her hands.

They took each other's measure. He wanted to see her face, she could see his. He wondered if he looked familiar to her?

She asked him if she could help him track down Saren. The Commander could see what she was capable of, she said and promised to be an asset to his mission.

He wanted to see her face, so he stared at her as if by simple force of will he could see through her mask and helmet. The spark of recognition ignited a fire in his belly. His heart warmed to her plight, his arms ached to embrace her, his intellect wanted to learn everything about her and quiet her fears.

Yes, Commander Shepard said. Please come with me to the Normandy. Garrus, too. I need you both.

This was how Garrus Vakarian and Tali'Zorah nar Rayya became members of his crew. They fought by his side and helped him achieve success. There was Garrus, and Tali, Joker and Kaidan, Doctor Chakwas, Liara T'Soni and Wrex. They were his crew, his ship and his friends… his family. Friends and family were strange concepts to him. Civilians aboard a military frigate equally strange.

It was those memories that helped him survive the horror of dying alongside his beloved Normandy in space. Both of them lost and alone now, captured in the unforgiving arms of Space. Just before his vision faded, he'd watched her explode and just beyond her broken bleeding hull, he saw the escape pods fleeing to safety. At least his crew was safe. Those blue eyes glittering with tears stared back at him as his sight faded and he took a final breath.

On the day before they were to face the foe they had pursued for many weeks, he spoke with Tali for what he thought might be the last time. If they were to die tomorrow, he wanted her to know what was in his mind and heart. He approached her as he often did after a mission to speak to her. Her hands told him she was nervous.

I'm nervous, too. Touching one of her gloved hands her anxious movements stilled.

"Tali?" What can I do, what can I say that will make you understand what you've come to mean to me?

She reached for his hands and they clasped hands and pulling each other closer.

"I want to see your face," he said.

"I want it to be real, she replied, weaving her fingers through his. I want to feel your skin against mine. But you could find someone else, who could make you happy…" Someone better than a quarian...someone more worthy of you than a poor 'Fleet girl.

You make me happy, my brave and brilliant woman-child. "I don't what anyone else, I want you," he said softly against the cloth of her helmet and slide his arms slowly and gently around her. He'd found her, the woman in his dreams. Tali was her name and she felt so good in his arms and in the way she clung to him. They were both under pressure to be perfect, when they were alone they could be a little vulnerable with each other, laugh, and be easy together.

"If I can find a way not to die…"

But he was shaking his head and placing his hands on the sides of her face plate, You will not die from our being together. I will not allow it. "Will you come to me?"

"Yes…" she said. "I will find a way."

~o0o~

When she walked through the door of his quarters they both understand why she is here. Tonight is the night and now is the time. His uniform was his armor and his second skin. He'd worn it every day since he'd turned 18. Just now, reaching for her busy fingers the familiar cloth against his skin felt like an unwanted barrier.

She responded to his touch and he can feel her trembling. "It's okay," he says, "Come here." And with one hand he reaches for the buckles along her ribcage. He wants so much to touch her and see her face. Instead, she takes his hand and pulls him toward the bed.

She talks too much, she says. It's stupid and…

Shepard touches the edges of her faceplate. The girl in his dreams is inside, he knows it, feels it and needs only to lift away the veil. It's not only desire which pulses along his nerves and heats his blood, but also the knowledge that this is where he belongs.

She stops talking and stiffens.

He pauses.

"I've waited so long for you, Tali."

"I know, Shepard… I know." Then she says one more word, "Please?"

The face plate lifts away and as she blinks in the light he sees an elfin face and blue eyes. She's staring at him, as if he has all the answers because, he reminds himself, this is her first time and he must be gentle with her. Go slow and let her become accustomed to his touch. He knows, with a stinging moisture in his eyes, that he is willing to spend the rest of his life doing just that, because he will never tire of touching her. Three years ago, he would not have been worthy of this innocent love she offered him. He's ready now and the realization humbles him.

The face plate lands on the bed and suddenly he's on his back and she is kissing him, straddling him with her hands clamped on his shoulders and holding him down.

Forcing himself to relax he lays still and allows her to set the pace. When she pulls back with a frown, he realizes, that he is so distracted with everything else about her, he hasn't returned the kiss.

"Am I doing it wrong?" She asks.

Her question is so endearing and so new to him; he wants to spend the rest of the night answering her. His response is to plunge his hands into her hood, until his fingers meet on the back of her head and push it back from her face. A cascade of ebony hair spills over her shoulders.

With his hand curled into her soft hair and the other on the back of her neck, he pulls her down and kisses her. The kiss is filled with longing, desire, and all the experience of every kiss he's ever shared. He's stored a few disappointments up over the years and tonight he plans to vanquish every unsaid word, every lonely night or empty morning.

Spicy and sharp on his tongue, she tasted different. Her skin smells of cinnamon and orange and fills his head and mouth with a fresh and wonderful scent. The suit opens at the neck, now that the helmet and hood are pulled away. Shepard follows the opening of her suit with kisses. Her strong hands pull at his clothes, so he stops short of exposing her breasts to discard his shirt. Now, she will get her wish, because the suit opens easily and when his bare chest rests on her petite form he buries his face in her hair, as he feels her body mold to his.

"Are you alright?" He asks between kisses. With the confidence he sees reflected in her eyes and the hands that smooth over his skin, he sits them both up to remove the suit from her arms and hands.

When he reveals her strong three fingered hands, he kisses one of her palms. "Tali, I want these hands on me." With his hands cupping her face, he kisses her quickly, "Take what you wish from me."

She nods then looks away.

He catches her face and forces it back to look at him. "What is it?"

"I wasn't sure… Shepard. I wasn't sure… if…"

"Tali, tell me." He said gently smoothing her hair back from her face.

"If you liked what you found… under my helmet… I didn't know if you find me attractive."

He laughed, tucked her head under his chin, pulled her onto his lap and held her close.

~o0o~

The young man who had learned the painful lesson that to survive it was easier if you kept your heart closed and feelings to yourself. To rely on yourself and no one else prevented the inevitable relationship disappointments. Who'd set nearly super-human goals for himself and achieved them. Created a brilliant military career for himself and gained fame, he didn't want and respect that he did. He began to realize, one morning as he awoke with Tali draped across his chest, that he'd been wrong all along.

If he had set unreachable goals for himself, people like Garrus, Tali, Grunt, and Wrex had helped him achieve them. With Cerberus, he'd kept his guard up. Yet, Tali had found her way into his heart and his life. The day Garrus took a direct hit from a missile. Then witnessed a selfless and courageous act when James crashed a shuttle to prevent a criminal from escaping and his heart softened. Watching that same criminal beat Kaidan Alenko nearly to death against the side of the shuttle made him realize that he'd actually and for the first time, fallen in love. He loved his crew and he loved Tali. He'd carried Kaidan back to MedBay in himself and didn't let go of him until Liara forced him to face the fact they had only one chance to save him.

As he rolled Tali over on her back and kissed her awake, he understood that she hadn't need him at all, quite the opposite, because this little quarian girl had taught him how to love.

~o0o~

And it ended on a day when the sky was filled with fire and ash. Pure evil blotted out the sun and filled the air with death and terror. Earth was burning and it was up to him to quiet the flames

On that final day he donned his armor and wondered what he could possibly say to his crew that would let them know that he understood it was time for him to give back the gifts he'd received from them. He'd always known, a happy-ever-after with Tali or anyone else could never be his fate.

One by one he bid farewell to his crew. James promised him he was ready to die to save earth. Shepard understood, but James didn't have to worry. It was Shepard's fate and he would walk bravely toward it.

Kaidan hugged him, Liara shared her thoughts with him and Garrus promised to meet him at the bar in heaven.

I can do that, old friend. I'll wait for you there.

Tali wept in his arms and asked for more time. I'm sorry, my beautiful brave girl. There is no more time for us.

Shepard ran toward the evil. I'm coming for you, he thought. I will end you, now, today, so that the people I love can live. So the people of earth can live. So the quarians and the turians and asari can live. I will end you.

He touched her face one more time, "I love you. Go make a home for yourself on Rannoch."

"I already have a home!" She replied.

I will always be with you, Tali. Always.

And Commander Shepard ran from the blue-eyed girl with the gentle still hands and took evil by the throat. When the smoke and ash cleared, he was gone and all the remained was peace and the living. And the sun broke through darkness.

When Tali was finally able to lay down her weapon, she looked up at the sun and let it warm her. Tears fell unheeded down her face.

A sudden warmth, which had nothing to do with the sun embraced her. A single drop of rain landed on her face plate. She held out her hands when rain began to fall all around her.

It came down harder and faster with each passing moment, until she was drenched in it. A broken heart began to heal as she watched the rain begin to wash away the blood and ash.

Standing in the center of an empty street, Tali hugged herself. While in the distance she watched Garrus walk toward her. Then Liara joined them. Wrex and Grunt, James, Steve and Kaidan closed the circle.

Spring flowers hidden from the violence raised their bright heads toward the sky.

People began calling to one another.

And life continued.


	5. A Single Drop of Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue
> 
> AN: I wrote this part for me. Tali deserved a happy ending. All my ME characters get a happy ending. The song at the end of the story is an old song by Grand Funk Railroad. Heard it on my way to work this morning. Perfect lyrics. Enjoy, but don't let the fluff bunnies get'cha.

* * *

"Or I may simply be a single drop of rain

But I will remain

And I'll be back again, and again and again and again"

* * *

Tali'Zorah, the poor little 'Fleet girl, turned admiral, turned grieving widow — for this is how she thinks of herself now — stands alone on the mesa she once stood shared with Commander Shepard so many months ago. In her hand is the rock he gave her the first time they were here.

Except for the child in her womb she no longer has a fixed identity for herself. Torn between leaving earth or staying with her own people, the Admiralty made it easy for her by ordering her to accompany them back to Rannoch.

She's forbidden, by the physicians — a few of whom are Geth — to work in the Admiralty, do physical labor, to become stressed or remove her suit. Tali had gained some freedom from her suit, now she is trapped in it, just as she is trapped in her grief and the memories.

A drop of rain falls on the rock and she rubs her thumb over it absentmindedly. Then another splashes on her faceplate. She raises her face to the coming storm and fantasizes that Shepard is here with her. The emotions, which are so close to the surface these days fall from her eyes, wetting her cheeks.

_John, I'm pregnant. It's a boy. Now, tell me how to live without you?_

Quiet footfalls below the mesa where Tali stands. In a few more minutes a man appears above the edge and walks toward her. Tali chooses to ignore the tall quarian and wishes people would just leave her alone.

"Tali'Zorah vas Normandy...Admiral. Forgive my imposition on your meditation. May I speak to you? I am Iain'Ciobair vas Shellen," he said, introducing himself formally in the language they shared.

 _Why are you speaking to me. Go away!_ She screams in her mind and turns her back on him.

"I've waited a long time to be speak to you. I'm glad you survived. Your father must be resting easier too."

"You knew my father?"

"I worked with him for many years on the _Alarai_. He spoke of you so often, I feel I already know you."

"You don't know anything about me." She is cross and upset and her back ached. Who was this stranger?

"Your hair is black, your eyes are blue, you enjoy turian chocolate and you like to dance. And… you've been crying. Probably still grieving over the death of your Commander Shepard."

"He wasn't my, Commander Shepard!"

"You're right about that. He was a man with a great purpose in his life. Men like him often aren't allowed to live a normal life. He was probably lucky to have you for the short amount of time his destiny allowed."

Her voice comes out in a sob and her shoulders slump. The tears and a grief which knows no end begin again. "I just wanted a little more time."

He stood silently behind her. He intends to do nothing that will push her away or anger her. He has thought about her too many times to carelessly push her away with insensitivity. He's waited many years for this chance. So he waits and a quarian knows how to be patient.

When she is ready to walk back to the settlement, he extends his arm to her.

"Are you a scientist, then?" Tali asks, her curiosity piqued. Her voice stronger in tone.

"I'm an engineer."

"Look, the rain has stopped and there's a rainbow."

A few more feet and she looks up at him, "Maybe... If you have time... I would like to hear more about my father."

* * *

 Iain'Ciobair = John'Shepard translated into Scottish Gaelic

of the ship: vas

The name of one of the Migrant Fleet's Live Ships: Shellen

~o0o~

"Everybody listen to me

And return me my ship

I'm your Captain, I'm your Captain

Though I'm feeling mighty sick

I've been lost now days uncounted

And it's months since I've seen home

Can you hear me, can you hear me

Or am I all alone

~o~

If you return me to my home port

I will kiss you, mother Earth

Take me back now, take me back now

To the port of my birth

~o~

Am I in my cabin dreaming

Or are you really scheming

To take my ship away from me

You'd better think about it

I just can't live without it

So please don't take my ship from me

~o~

I can feel the hand of a stranger

And it's tightening 'round my throat

Heaven help me, Heaven help me

Take this stranger from my boat

I'm your Captain, I'm your Captain

Though I'm feeling mighty sick

Everybody listen to me

And return me my ship

~o~

I'm your Captain,

I'm getting closer to my home"

-Grand Funk Railroad, I'm Your Captain/Getting Closer to Home

watch?v=Lk3d4ZbWMpc


End file.
